


Feathers On My Breath

by NavajoLovesDestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Camp Chitaqua (Supernatural), Canon Related, Explicit Sexual Content, Fallen Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Happy Ending, M/M, Newly Human Castiel (Supernatural), Recreational Drug Use, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:54:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24408373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NavajoLovesDestiel/pseuds/NavajoLovesDestiel
Summary: The world following the apocalypse was a very different place than before. After Sam said yes to Lucifer, after he and Michael had fought the final battle, the angels won. They retreated to heaven after locking Lucifer away again, sealing heaven.There were a few angels who were left behind, trapped forever on earth.Some humans had survived. They lived in small groups, foraging for food, medicine, necessities. But human beings are resilient. They prospered, grew in numbers as babies were born.One thing they all had in common was their hatred of angels. If they ever trapped one it was swiftly put to death, or worse.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 37
Kudos: 77
Collections: SPN Dystopia Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my submission to the SPN Dystopia Bang.  
> All the kudos to my artist, kuwlshadow! You can see her lovely art in Chapter 2.  
> Many thanks to my beta, katelyndeveraux.

[Link to the art](https://kuwlshadow.tumblr.com/post/619238886796836864/story-title-feathers-on-my-breath-author%22)

The world following the apocalypse was a very different place than before. After Sam said yes to Lucifer, after he and Michael had fought the final battle, the angels won. They retreated to heaven after locking Lucifer away again, sealing heaven. 

There were a few angels who were left behind, trapped forever on earth. 

Some humans had survived. They lived in small groups, foraging for food, medicine, necessities. But human beings are resilient. They prospered, grew in numbers as babies were born.

One thing they all had in common was their hatred of angels. If they ever trapped one it was swiftly put to death, or worse.

  
  


Dean walked out of his cabin into the crisp morning air. He could see his breath. He shivered but didn’t bother to go back to grab his coat. He walked to Benny’s cabin, his feet crunching the frost. 

He banged on the door. Benny yelled, “Okay! I’m comin’, hold your water.”

He opened the door, bleary-eyed. “Jesus, brotha, what got your panties in a bunch?”

Dean breezed by him into the warmth.

“Jesse found an angel.”

Benny’s eyes got big. “Alive? What the hell?”

Dean nodded. “Yes, alive. He’s got it cornered him in a building he was searching for medical supplies. You with me?”

Benny grabbed his coat. “Hell yeah I’m with you! Let’s go!”

Dean was out of the jeep almost before it even came to a screeching stop. Benny was right behind him as they ran into the building to find Jesse.

“Where is it?” 

Jesse pointed at a door with his gun. “In there. He’s in bad shape. I think he might be dying.”

Dean grabbed the knob and slowly turned it, his angel blade at the ready. He’d tangled with these winged bastards before. He didn’t need any surprises. He opened the door and cautiously stepped in the room, Benny right behind him.  
The angel was huddled in the corner. His wings were visible, outstretched and covered with blood. He wore a trench coat and a suit, of all things, the tie backwards. His shirt was splotched with blood in many places.

The angel’s eyes darted around the room, then landed on Dean. Dean thought for a moment that he’d never seen eyes that blue before. The angel looked almost resigned.

“Grant me a swift death.”

The deep, gruff voice sent shivers down Dean. He stood, taking in the angel’s appearance. Something shifted inside him. He felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time, so long he hardly recognized it. Pity.

He shook his head. “Ain’t gonna kill you. Come on, let’s go, get you patched up.” He held out his hand to help the angel to his feet. The angel stared at it warily.

“What are you doin’ brotha? We don’t patch up angels.!”

Dean turned to look at Benny. “This one we do.”

Benny shook his head. “You’re the boss.”

Dean turned back to the angel. “Come on. We ain’t gonna hurt you.”

The angel reached out slowly, taking Dean’s hand. Dean hauled him to his feet, wincing a little at the pained groan the angel let out. The wings disappeared. 

Dean led him to the jeep. “Get in.” The angel looked confused, but climbed in. Benny got in, Dean walked around and got behind the wheel. Jesse walked to the jeep he’d driven here.

Not a word was spoken on the way back to the compound. When he parked the Jeep, Dean got out and called Jesse over when he’d parked.

“Not a word about this to anyone, understood? I don’t need the rest of them finding out that I got an angel in my cabin until I decide what I’m gonna do with him.”

Jesse saluted. Benny growled but nodded. They headed to their own cabins, while Dean turned to the angel, still sitting in the jeep.

“Come on. Let’s see what’s what.”

The angel frowned, but got out of the jeep and followed Dean to his cabin. Dean held the door open, the angel walked inside and looked around.

Dean got his med kit and put it on the table. “Sit.” 

The angel sat, still looking wary. Dean started to unbutton the angel’s shirt and the angel grabbed his hand.

“So, you take it off then.”

The angel loosened his tie, and unbuttoned his shirt, He let it slip off his shoulders. 

Dean sighed. The angel had numerous shallow cuts along his chest. They had obviously been made by an angel blade. There was caked blood all over his chest. Dean opened the kit and got out some antiseptic, pouring some on a gauze.

“So, who did this? Humans?” He swabbed the cuts. The angel shook his head.

“Who then?”

“Other angels.” The angel’s voice was even lower than before, and it still gave Dean chills.

“What? Why?” 

The angel never changed expression, even though Dean knew from hard experience that antiseptic burned like a bitch. He never answered.

“Okay, keep your secrets.” Dean put butterflies on the worst of the cuts, and bandaged them. He went and got a t shirt and handed it to the angel. The angel wrinkled his nose but took it and pulled it on. He pulled his tie over his head and tossed it on the floor.

Dean poured himself a glass of whiskey and sat at the table. “So, you got a name?”

The angel glared at him but said, “Castiel.”

“Castiel, huh? Nice to meet you. I’m Dean.” He took a long drink of his whiskey.

Castiel repeated, “Dean.”

Dean finished his drink and poured another one.

“Why didn’t you kill me, Dean?”

Dean looked at Castiel. “You know, I’m not sure. You just looked like you’d been through enough. Hell, I don’t know.”  
Dean looked at Castiel. Even haggard, he was gorgeous. His messy dark hair, those startling blue eyes, that cut jaw… Dean shook his head and took another swallow.

“So, if your brothers tortured you, I’m guessing you won’t call them and tell them where you are, so I figure we’re safe.”

Castiel growled, “They are not my brothers.”

Dean chuckled. “Okay! So, you’re on the outs with the other angels, huh Cas? Bet that’s an interesting story when you’re ready to tell it.”

Cas tilted his head. “Cas? You call me Cas?”

Dean smiled. “Well, yeah, Castiel is a mouthful.”

Cas looked thoughtful. “It’s fine.”

Dean drained his glass. “You need to lay down? You can take the bed. Just stay here. I got some things to do.”

Cas looked at the bed in the corner. He shook his head. “I don’t need to lay down, but I will stay here.”

Dean smiled. “Good. I won’t be long.” He left. Cas sat, thinking. Dean was handsome, for a human. He was obviously kind in his own way. Cas still didn’t understand why Dean hadn’t killed him, but he was thankful for another day.

He wished he could heal himself but his grace was fading. If he attempted to heal, it would no doubt burn off the rest of it. He knew his days were numbered, but he wanted to save them as long as he could. After that, he’d be human. He had no idea what would happen after that. He dreaded it. He hated the unknown. 

He’d always known what was expected of him. He was a seraph, a warrior. He’d done what he was ordered to do without question. He never expected to be abandoned, cut off from heaven to fend for himself and he had no idea how to do that.

Maybe Dean would help.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean went to check with Chuck, to see what was needed in the way of supplies. Jesse hadn’t found any medical supplies… just an angel. Dean still was having trouble wrapping his head around that. He didn’t understand why he hadn’t killed Cas the moment he’d laid eyes on him. But there was just something…

Chuck carried on about toilet paper, as usual. Dean shook his head, “Just use paper towels for fuck’s sake. There are more important things than toilet paper.” 

Chuck shook his head. “Nothing is more important, Dean. But we’re doing pretty good otherwise.”

Dean walked back towards his cabin, stopping to talk to Risa. She offered to come to his cabin that night, but Dean declined, telling her he was tired. He left her standing there with a sour expression on her face and went back to his cabin.

Cas was still sitting in the chair. He looked like he hadn’t moved since Dean left.

“Cas, we really ought to see about your wings. They looked pretty tore up.”

Cas looked up with wild eyes. “No! My wings… they’re fine.”

Dean shook his head. “Didn’t look fine to me, but suit yourself.” He poured another glass of whiskey.

Cas watched him. “You drink too much.”

Dean let out a harsh laugh. “There ain’t much else to do around here. In case you haven’t noticed, the world is tore up from the floor up. No TV, no radio, no movies to go see… it’s all just trying to stay alive, fucking and drinking.”

Cas winced. He never wanted any of this, but orders were orders. At least, that’s what the archangels said. So he’d come to earth for the first time in millenia. It was odd, strange… but beautiful. He didn’t like killing humans. So he stopped, hid from all the destruction. But angels had found him, tried to kill him. He’d fought for his life until they had suddenly left. He was confused, but then the human found him. Then Dean and the other one came. Now here he was, still not sure why Dean hadn’t killed him. 

In truth, his wings were driving him crazy. They hurt, the feathers were stuck together with dried blood… he longed to stretch them out, have them groomed. But he couldn’t let a human touch them. It was far too intimate to even consider, so he just tried to ignore them.

The day wore on, Dean got increasingly drunk. He kept asking Cas questions about what happened to him, how he came to be in that building… Cas did his best to circumvent the subject.

Then, Dean sat down across from him at the table and looked him in the eye.

“What did you do in the apocalypse? How many humans did you kill?”

Cas didn’t blink. “I was a soldier. I had orders. I… didn’t like them. I haven’t killed any humans. I… rebelled.” His shame made his cheeks red.

Dean looked surprised. “No humans? Not a one? You expect me to believe that?”

Cas felt anger. Who was this human to question his honesty? “I told you the truth. I don’t care if you believe me or not. I think I should leave.”

Dean looked horrified. “No! I didn’t mean anything. Fuck, I’m just drunk. You can’t leave.”

Cas squinted at him. “So I am your prisoner.”

Dean shook his head. “No... Yes… hell I don’t know! I can’t let you leave. It’s too dangerous. You’re hurt. Come on, admit it. There’s nothing for you out there.”

Cas thought about it. It was true enough, he was hurt and couldn’t heal himself. He probably would die the first day. He sat, considering his fading grace. Should he tell Dean? That was the question, wasn’t it? Was it safe to tell Dean? 

“I am losing my grace. I am cut off from heaven.”

Dean drank the last of the whiskey from his glass. He sat the glass down with a thud.

“So what happens when you’re grace is gone? You die?”   
“I become human.”

They sat in silence, Cas feeling defiant but scared, Dean digesting that bit of information. The silence stretched out until the last of the sunlight faded away. Dean got up and lit a couple of kerosene lamps. 

Dean stood with his back to Cas. “All the more reason to stay. When you’re human, I mean.”

A knock on the door startled them both.

Dean yelled, “Go away! Unless we’re under attack, handle it yourself!”

They heard the sound of receding footsteps.

Dean turned around but didn’t look at Cas. “A human on their own out there doesn’t stand a chance.”

Cas knew the truth of that. He sat, considering Dean’s words. His grace was almost gone.

“All right.”

Dean looked at him then. “You’ll stay?”

Cas nodded.

Dean’s voice was gruff. “Good! Okay then… uh, listen, I need sleep.”

Cas waited for him to say something else.

“We could maybe, share the bed…”

“I don’t require sleep.”

Dean grinned. “What are you going to do all night?”

Cas considered it. “I could watch over you.”

Dean’s eyes got big. “What? Hell no. That’s just creepy.”

Cas turned away. “I’ll just… wait here then.”

Dean laughed uncomfortably. “Okay, whatever. I just need four hours, I’ll be good to go.”

Cas sat, listening to the sounds of Dean taking his boots off, then the bed creaking. He stared at the floor, thinking about everything that had happened.

About an hour later, Dean started to moan. He began to thrash around, clearly in the throes of a nightmare. Cas didn’t know what to do. Should he just ignore it, should he wake Dean? He listened to the sounds getting louder, more distraught. Dean was yelling, “No! No!”

Cas went to the bed. He looked down at Dean. sweating and crying out. He reached out a hand and touched Dean.

Dean sat bolt upright, grabbing a gun from under his pillow.

“Dean! Dean it’s me, Castiel.”

Dean lowered the gun. “Cas? What the fuck?”

Cas took a step back. “You were having a nightmare.”

Dean rubbed his eyes, putting the gun back under his pillow. “Okay… well… thanks.”

Cas went back to sit at the table. “Does that happen often?”

Dean sat up on the side of the bed. “Yeah. Pretty much every night.”

Cas took a deep breath. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Dean got up and walked to the counter. He started a pot of coffee brewing. “It won’t help, but thanks for the offer.”

Dean waited for the coffee to be done, not saying another word. Cas was silent as well. 

Dean poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down with it at the table. 

“Shouldn’t you go back to bed? Try to get more sleep?”   
Dean took a swallow of his coffee. “Nah, I won’t be able to get back to sleep. Besides, I gotta figure out how to tell my people about you.”

Cas nodded. He was well aware how humans felt about angels. He would probably be murdered when the others found out Dean was harboring him. He honestly hoped Dean’s people wouldn’t turn on him when they found out. He prepared himself for the worst.


	3. Chapter 3

Much to Cas’ relief, Dean didn’t start drinking alcohol again. He had another cup of coffee and then fixed himself some scrambled eggs. Cas watched him eat, after saying he didn’t need anything. The night wore on. Dean picked up Cas’ discarded shirt and tie, threw them in a hamper. He grabbed some jeans out of a chest and handed them to Cas.

“You look too weird, wearing a t shirt and dress pants. Especially when they’re covered with blood. Put these on.”

Cas stood up, looking down at his pants. He undid his belt and began to undo the button, When he pulled down the zipper, Dean turned around. Cas toed out of his shoes, pulled his pants off then put on the jeans. He told Dean he could turn around. When he did, his eyes ran up and down Cas’ body. Cas noted the increase in Dean’s pupils.

“Okay… uh, that’s better. You look more normal now.”

Cas sat down. “You mean I look more human.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I guess I do. Don’t need my people to freak out when they meet you.”

Cas sighed. “I’m an angel, Dean, at least for awhile. They are going to be unhappy.”

Dean sat. “So, how long you got? Before your grace burns out?”

“I’m not sure. A matter of days, I would think.”

“And then you’ll be human? Fully human?”

Cas sighed. “Yes, fully human.”

Dean stared at him for a minute. “What will happen to your wings?”

Cas felt his wings twitch. “They will essentially fall off. You won’t be able to see it because they’re in another dimension.”

Dean winced. “Won’t that be… painful?”

Cas felt his chest tighten. “I would imagine.”

Dean sighed. “That sucks. I’m sorry.”

Cas could tell Dean really meant it. “Thank you, Dean.”

The sun came up. Dean sighed and got up. “No time like the present. I’m gonna tell everyone about you. Come on.”

Castiel stood up, following Dean to the door. Dean went out and told the first person he saw that there was a mandatory meeting in ten minutes. Cas stood in the door and waited.

People started to congregate in front of Dean’s cabin. Dean stood on the porch, waiting until everyone was there, then cleared his throat.

“Listen up. Jesse didn’t find any med supplies when he went out yesterday, but he did find something. An angel.”

People began muttering until Dean told them to shut it.

“The angel was hurt pretty bad, and I brought him back here. After questioning him, turns out he was attacked by his own kind. He rebelled. He hasn’t killed a single human. His grace is fading and he’ll be human in just a few days. So, I’ve decided to let him stay.”

There were scattered shouts of “No!” and the muttering increased.

“Hey! I’m still in charge here. If any of you don’t like it, then pick a new leader. I say he stays.”

That shut them up. Dean turned to Cas, waving him out on the porch. Cas walked out slowly with his head down.

“This is Cas… eh, Castiel. I expect you all to welcome him just like you would anyone else new. If you got problems, bring them to me. Dismissed.”

Cas retreated to the safety of the cabin. He’s seen the angry looks. He was scared, frankly. He was torn between staying here, hoping people would learn to accept him or leaving, just trying to get by on his own. Dean seemed to sense what he was feeling.

“They just need time, Cas. They’ll come around.”

Cas nodded, but he was still afraid. He would hate it if Dean’s leadership was called into question because of him. There was nothing he could do about it.

Two days passed. Dean was gone most of every day, seeing to camp business. Cas wandered the cabin. He could feel his grace just holding on by a thread. He felt tired and sick. He even laid down on Dean’s bed a little when Dean wasn’t there. The silence in his head, being cut off from angel radio, was bad enough, but the thought of losing his wings was overwhelming. He considered ending it all with the angel blade Dean kept in a chest.

What kept him from doing it was Dean. Dean was kind, if gruff. He genuinely seemed to want Cas there. Cas didn’t want to let him down so he just endured.

It happened in the middle of the night on the third day. Cas suddenly felt his grace… just gone. At the same time, the pain in his back was excruciating. He felt his wings being torn away. He fell to his knees, screaming.

Dean was at his side in a heartbeat. He put a hand on Cas’ shoulder. 

“Cas, is it your wings?”

Cas couldn’t speak. Tears were flowing down his cheeks as he bit his lip until it bled. He nodded, trying not to scream again.

Dean pulled him into a tight hug. “It’s okay, Cas. It’s gonna be okay. Just hang on.”

Cas put his head against Dean’s shoulder, trying his best. He had never felt pain like this. He couldn’t breathe.

Dean kept repeating that it was okay, to just breathe.

Finally, it was over. The pain had stopped. Cas took a shuddering breath. He felt it… he felt  _ human _ .

Everything felt strange. He could feel his heartbeat. He could hear himself breathing. His stomach ached… his bowels clenched. He could feel his penis and testicles hanging between his legs. He just felt… foreign.

He sat back, pulling away from Dean. Dean’s eyes searched his face.

“Are you okay, Cas? Is it over?”

Cas nodded, still unsure of his voice.

“How do you feel?”

Cas took stock. He wasn’t sure. “My stomach hurts,”

Dean chuckled. “Probably just hungry. I’ll fix you something.”

Cas got up, sitting at the table. He wasn’t sure  _ how  _ to eat, but didn’t say that to Dean. Dean stood up, grabbing some eggs and bread. He fixed scrambled eggs and toast. Cas watched him. He guessed he’d need to learn to do that now, too, along with everything else being human entailed. He felt very overwhelmed.

He stared at the plate when Dean sat it in front of him. Sighing, he picked up the fork and speared some eggs. He put it in his mouth and pulled the fork away. Chewing thoughtfully, he decided it wasn’t so bad. But the more he chewed, the wetter his mouth got, the eggs losing their flavor. Dean was staring at him.

“Jesus fuck, Cas,  _ swallow _ !”

Cas squinted at him. Dean pointed at his mouth. “Watch.” He swallowed. Cas watched but still couldn’t figure out how to recreate that.

Dean did it again. Cas tried, the food slid down his throat and gagged him.

Dean laughed. “I never knew I would have to teach someone how to swallow. You’ll get the hang of it, just keep trying,”

Cas managed to eat most of the eggs, all of his toast and drink his coffee without throwing up. 

He tilted his head. “That’s  _ disgusting _ !”

Dean threw his head back and laughed so hard he started coughing. 


	4. Chapter 4

Cas’s mouth opened wide. He sucked air in, then back out. 

“What the hell was that?”

Dean chuckled. “You yawned. Humans do that when they’re tired. Come on, let’s go to bed.”

Cas let Dean pull him to the bed. Dean took off his boots and laid down, looking at Cas. Cas was unsure, what if he couldn’t sleep… what if he could? Spending hours oblivious to the world and completely vulnerable sounded dangerous. But Dean was waiting, so he slipped out of his shoes and laid down. 

“Now what?”?

Dean mumbled, “Just shut your eyes and wait for it.”

Cas sighed audibly. “Fine.” He shut his eyes. And looked at the inside of his eyelids. 

_ ‘What’s so special about this?’  _

The next thing he knew, Dean was shaking his arm. “Wakey, wakey.”

Cas sat up, looking around. “Wa-what? What happened?”

Dean chuckled. “You were asleep. It’s time to wake up. I want to take you for a tour of the camp.”.

Cas struggled to make sense of it. “I was  _ asleep _ ?”

Dean nodded.

“That was unpleasant.”

Dean just laughed. “You’ll get used to it. Come on, get up.”

Cas stood up, looking at the bed as if it were a personal enemy. He ran his fingers through his untidy hair and put on his shoes. “Okay, I guess I’m ready.” But then he felt something…  _ uncomfortable… _ in his lower abdomen. He put his hand over it.

Dean looked at him. “Something the matter?”

“I’m unsure… my abdomen feels… funny.”

Dean looked at where Cas’ hand was. “You need to piss.”

Cas tilted his head. “ _ Piss? _ ”

Dean shook his head. “Christ, Cas. Piss, pee…  _ urinate _ ?”

Cas made a face that Dean had never seen on a human being before. “Look, Cas… just go in the bathroom, undo your pants. Pull out your dick and point it at the toilet. Relax. It’ll happen.” 

Cas frowned all the way to the bathroom, and began to undo his pants.

“Shut the fucking door!” Cas shut it. 

Dean rubbed his hand over his eyes. “Jesus H. It’s like having a toddler.”

After what seemed like a very long time, Dean heard the toilet flush. Cas came out looking like he’d eaten a lemon.

“Did you wash your hands?”

Cas nodded. “Of course I washed. That was disgusting. I got some urine on my hand!”

Dean bit the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing. “Yeah, well, you’ll get the hang of it.”

If looks could kill, Dean would be dead on the spot.

Dean put on a jacket and handed one to Cas. Cas sighed and put it on. They walked out into the chilly morning air. People were walking around, looking busy.

Dean led the way to Benny’s cabin and knocked. Benny opened it, looking at Cas.

“What’s up. Boss?”

Dean cocked his head towards Cas. “He’s human now.”

Benny grunted. “Is he now.”

Dean nodded. “Gonna need his own cabin. Is Cole’s still empty?”

Benny nodded. “Needs work though.”

“Put some people on that, will ya? Until it’s ready, Nigel Tufnel here can stay with me.”

Benny laughed. Cas squinted. 

Dean took Cas to see the supply cabin, saying hello to Chuck and introducing him to Cas. Chuck was nice. They moved on to the weapons cabin, which Risa was in charge of. She was less than cordial.

“He’s staying with you?”

Dean frowned. “Just until we can get him a cabin. Lighten up.”

When they left, Cas commented, “She doesn’t like me.”

Dean sighed. “Don’t worry about her.”

Dean walked him around the camp, introducing him. Most people were nice, especially when they heard he was now human. A few were cold. They headed back to Dean’s cabin.

When they got inside, Cas groaned. “My abdomen hurts. It feels different.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “You probably gotta shit.”

Cas looked deeply offended. “A  _ shit _ ?”

Dean sighed. “Just go in the bathroom, sit on the toilet. Bear down. Uh, when you’re done, use the paper to clean up.”

Cas gave him another ‘look that could kill’ and went. He shut the door with a bang.

Dean started to make sandwiches. He heard Cas swearing. After awhile, he heard the toilet flush, the water in the sink ran for a long time. Finally, Cas emerged.

‘I’m never doing that again.”

Dean chuckled. “You will. You have to eat to stay alive, and it’s gotta come out sooner or later.”

“Being human is nothing but one disgusting, unpleasant thing after another. I might prefer death to ever doing  _ that _ again.”

They sat at the table. Dean handed Cas a sandwich, which Cas looked at suspiciously.

“Cas, being human ain’t all bad. It’s not all just bodily functions. There’s laughing, getting drunk, sex…”

Cas tilted his head. “Sex?”

Dean grinned. “Come on, you have to know about sex. Never been with an angel? Done a little cloud seeding?”

Cas looked at his sandwich. “I, uh, never had the occasion.”

“Oh lord, you’re a virgin. We gotta get you laid, pal. So what’s your preference? Women? Men?”

Cas looked at him, “How would I know?”

Dean took a bite of his sandwich. “Fair point. Just have to see who makes your dick twitch.”

Cas ate his sandwich, thinking about his penis twitching.

The rest of the day was spent with Dean handling things, Cas trying to get used to peeing.

Dean came back a little after dark. He started making burgers. Cas watched, trying to figure out how to cook anything.

The rest of the evening was spent with Dean getting drunk. Cas frowned at him.

“Lighten up, will ya? Have a drink or something. Stop being so judgy.”

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes. “I have no desire to become an alcoholic.”

Dean drained his glass. “Holy fuck. Who knew you’d turn out to be such a downer. Fine, we’ll go to bed.” He walked to the bed, took off his boots and laid down. 

“Get over here.”

Cas sighed. The need to sleep was inevitable but that didn’t mean he had to like it. He took off his shoes and laid down beside Dean. Dean was snoring lightly within minutes. Cas reluctantly closed his eyes and succumbed to the ‘little death’.

He woke up to Dean mumbling, thrashing his arms. Cas knew he was having a nightmare. He shook Dean’s shoulder.

Dean woke up with a yell. He looked at Cas.

“You were having a nightmare.”

Dean sighed and sat up. “Sorry.”

Cas sat up as well. “No need to apologize. Who is Sam?”

Dean looked at him. “Why do you ask?”

“You were yelling his name.”

“It’s nothing. Go back to sleep.”

They both laid down again. Cas made a mental note to ask again in the morning.


	5. Chapter 5

Cas woke up first. He turned his head to look at Dean. Dean looked so peaceful, much younger than when he was awake and carried the world on his shoulders. Cas felt an almost overwhelming desire to touch Dean’s face. He got up and went into the bathroom instead.

When he got out, Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I’m gonna take a shower. And from your smell, you need to take one too.”

Cas squinted at him. “How do I do that?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “You just turn the water on, get it to a good temperature, get in and wash yourself. Use soap!”

Dean went in the bathroom, shutting the door. Cas sat on the bed thinking about the idea of washing his body. When Dean came out a short time later, his hair was wet.

“Saved you some hot water.”

Cas nodded, stood up and went in the bathroom. There was a towel laying on the side of the tub. He sighed, putting it on the back of the toilet and turned the water in the shower on. He undressed, dropping his clothes on the floor. 

He put his hand under the spray and it sprayed him in the face.

Grumbling, he got in. He looked at the bar of soap. He grabbed it with a heavy sigh, rubbing it on his chest. But after a couple of minutes, the hot water started to feel good on his body. He began to see the value of showering.

He was startled out of his revery by a heavy knock on the door.

“Hey! You been in there awhile. You didn’t hit your head and drown did you?”

Cas frowned. “No! I’m fine!” He hurried to rinse off, getting out and grabbing the towel to dry off.

He saw clean clothes laying on the toilet seat. When had Dean put them there? He must have really been out of it. He dried off, dressed and grabbed his dirty clothes. 

When he left the bathroom, Dean was cooking. 

“Thank you for the clean clothes. What do I do with the ones I took off?”

Dean didn’t turn around. “Just drop em. We’ll take them to be washed after we eat.”

Cas noticed Dean’s clothes in a heap on the floor, so he added his to them. They ate, then Dean told Cas to grab the clothes.

They walked down a couple of cabins, then Dean walked into a large wooden building, Cas trailing behind. There was a big sink with a woman standing in front of it with a large oar, stirring whatever was inside.

“Hey Ellen.” 

The woman turned around with a smile. “Hey Dean! Is this him?” She waved a hand at Cas.

Dean grinned. “Yep. Cas, say hello to Ellen. She’s what keeps this place running.”

Cas attempted a wave around the clothes in his hands.

Ellen grabbed the clothes. “Let me take them. Dean, are your arms broke?”

Dean laughed. “Nope, but he needs to learn the ways of the alpha sooner rather than later.”

Ellen put the clothes down and smacked Dean on the arm. “Alpha? Sure, in your own mind.”

Dean laughed harder. Cas didn’t have the vaguest idea what was going on.

Dean said goodbye, walking out, so Cas followed him.

“We’re gonna take a look at the cabin that’s gonna be yours. It needs work, I want to see how it’s coming along.”

It was four cabins down. Dean walked up on the porch and stuck his head in the door. “Garth?”

A tall, incredibly skinny man came out carrying a hammer. He smiled brightly at them.

“Dean! And this must be Castiel…” He grabbed Cas in a tight hug. Cas didn’t have a clue what to do, so he just stood there. Garth didn’t seem to mind a bit.

When he released Cas, Dean asked him how the work was going.

“Cole really tore things up. I figure it’ll be at least three more days till it’s ready.”

Dean nodded. “Okay. Just do your best.”

They left, Dean introducing him to people on the way back to Dean’s cabin. He didn’t remember anyone’s name. Maybe Jo? She seemed nice. He was surprised when they walked past Dean’s cabin to a car.

“We need to get you some clothes of your own.”

Cas nodded and got in. Dean drove to a town nearby. It was completely deserted.

They got out, and Dean opened the trunk. He took out a gun, and handed Cas a shotgun that had been sawed off. Cas looked at it with distaste.

“I don’t know how to use this.”

Dean frowned at him. “Point it at something and squeeze the trigger. Just don’t shoot me.”

As they walked down the street, Dean swiveled his head, looking around. Cas didn’t know what he was so tense about, the town looked to be empty.

They went in a clothing store. Everything was dusty and smelled musty. Dean walked to some jeans, grabbing some from the rack. “These should fit you.”

By the time they left, Cas had t shirts, long sleeved shirts, jeans, a warm coat, socks, boxers and a new pair of boots. They walked to the car. While Dean was putting the clothes in the back seat, Cas noticed a store that had crystals and dream catchers in the window.

“Dean, I want to go in there.” He pointed at the store.

“What, there?” Cas nodded and started across the street. Dean ran up beside him.

“Cas, hold up. It isn’t safe to just go barreling into someplace alone.”

“Why?” Cas was genuinely confused.

“There are bad people around here, Cas. Groups of them who’d just as soon shoot you as not.”

Cas stopped and stared at Dean. “Why? Why would they do that?”

Dean sighed. “Some people never got over the apocalypse. They got mean, angry. They hate everyone.”

That made Cas sad. His brothers and sisters had messed up everything. Sighing, he continued to the store. Once inside he forgot all about feeling sad. The store was filled with all sorts of wonderful things.

He grabbed a big bag from behind the counter and began to grab things. Candles, crystals, wind chimes… even a beaded curtain found its way into the bag. Dean just stood back with a bemused look on his face.

Carrying the bag to the car, Dean chuckled. “Never had you pegged for a hippie, angel.”

Cas didn’t know what a hippie was, but if these things made him one, he was fine with that. 

When they got back to the camp, most of Cas’ things were left in the car until his cabin was ready. Dean wouldn’t let him bring any scented candles into his cabin. 

They ate dinner and Dean started to drink again. Cas didn’t like when Dean got drunk. He got angry and mean. Cas went to sleep long before Dean got in the bed. 


	6. Chapter 6

Cas woke up with a start. He felt… strange. Dean was asleep next to him. He laid there, trying to figure out what was different. He realized it was his penis. It was hard, aching. He pulled down his boxers a little (he’d taken off his clothes to sleep, realizing it was more comfortable) and looked at it in the half light.

Angels didn’t have all these…  _ parts _ , unless they were in a vessel, and even then they didn’t do anything. What in the hell was he supposed to do with this? He moved a little, and it didn’t help. He stared at it, willing it to go away. It didn’t. He whined.

“What the fuck is the matter?” Dean’s voice was sleepy, deep and annoyed.

Cas sighed. “Something is wrong with my body.”

Dean opened his eyes. “What? What’s wrong?”

Cas whined again. “It’s my penis. It hurts… it’s hard and I can’t make it go away.”

Dean’s eyes got big. “Your…  _ penis _ ?”

“Yes! Just look at it!”

Dean sighed. “I’m not going to look at your dick, Cas. Just jack off.”

Cas was confused. “Jack off? What’s that?”

Dean turned on his back. “Oh for the love of… lick your palm. Get it wet.”

Cas licked.

“Now, grab your dick. Tight but not too tight. Then run your hand up and down.”

Cas followed Dean’s directions. It felt… kinda good. Cas said, “Oh… oh!”

“Try giving your hand a little twist on the upstroke. Run your thumb over the head…”

Cas became aware that Dean was  _ jacking off _ as well. He did as instructed and it felt even better. He kept it up, and it was getting better and better.

They were both making sounds, Cas didn’t seem to be able to help them. He liked hearing Dean making the sounds, it made it better somehow.

But, it suddenly felt weird again. His testicles were tightening, there was a heat building in his abdomen. His toes curled up. Then everything exploded. He yelled, seeing stars behind his eyelids. A substance erupted out of his penis, shooting all over him. 

It was magnificent.

He heard Dean grunt. Dean’s back arched a little. Cas knew Dean had experienced whatever  _ that  _ was. 

He waited a couple of minutes, then said softly, “I’m all sticky.”

Dean chuckled. “Yep, that’s what happens when you cum.”

“Come?” 

“That’s what just happened. You came, had an orgasm.”

Dean leaned over the side of the bed, coming up with a t shirt. He wiped himself off and passed the shirt to Cas. Cas wiped himself off with a frown.

“It’s very messy.”

Dean sighed. “Yeah, it is. Wait till you have sex. Now, that’s really messy.”

Cas dropped the shirt on the floor. “Then why would you want to?”

“Are you kidding? It’s just about the best thing in the world. You think that was good? Multiply that by a thousand, and you just might have an idea of how great sex is. Now go back to sleep, or shut up. I gotta get at least another hour in.”

Cas laid in the dark, thinking about what Dean said. Sex was a thousand times better than jacking off? He really needed to have sex.

In the morning, Dean told him they would never speak about  _ that _ again. Cas agreed even though he didn’t understand what the problem was. He really wanted to do it again.

Cas’ cabin was ready three days later. There had been no repeat of the jacking off, much to Cas’ regret. Dean, Garth, Ellen and a kid named Kevin helped him move in. Garth hung the bead curtain in the entryway, just inside the door, the windchimes on the porch and the dream catcher went above his bed.

After it was done, everyone left but Kevin.

Kevin pulled something out of his pocket, grinning. “Wanna get high?”

Cas sighed. “I can’t. I don’t have my wings anymore.”

Kevin laughed. “No, man, I mean get  _ high _ ! Alter your consciousness.”

Cas didn’t understand what he was talking about, but he nodded.

Kevin fished a lighter out of his pocket, lighting up the joint. He took a long, deep draw on it, held his breath for a minute then blew the smoke out. He passed the joint to Cas.

Cas tried to do what Kevin had, but when he inhaled, it made him cough so hard he was sure he saw God. Kevin laughed merrily.

“Just take smaller breaths until you get used to it.”

Cas took a tiny inhale, managed to hold it, then blew the smoke out. He immediately felt floaty, weird but good.

They finished the joint. Cas felt amazing. It was the second best he’d felt since he became human.

“Where can I get more of this?” Cas waved the roach in Kevin’s face.

“I’ve got a shit load of it. I’ll bring you some. Got it when we found a marajuana dispensary.”

Cas began to giggle. He had no idea what he found so funny, but he giggled anyway.

Cas leaned back against the couch. “Let me ask you something? Where can I get sex?”

Kevin spit out the beer he had in his mouth. “Dude! There isn’t like… hookers here. No brothels left. You’re gonna have to, I don’t know, make friends with some women.”

Cas thought about that. Now that he was on his own, no longer staying with Dean, he guessed he would need to make friends. It seemed overwhelming. But Kevin was his friend, wasn’t It he?

“Kevin, are you my friend?”

Kevin laughed, smacking him on the shoulder. “Sure am, Cas!”

Cas felt a little better. 

Kevin left. Cas was alone for the first time since he turned human. Well, Dean had gone out a few times, but Cas always knew he’d be back. He looked around the cabin with a sigh.

His stomach growled (something he didn’t think he’d ever get used to) so he made himself a sandwich. That was one thing he’d mastered at least. He sat on the floor, eating it and drinking a beer. Dean had made sure he had beer.

He still felt high, so he decided to just kick back and enjoy it. He let his mind drift, it went to Dean. He recognized that Dean was very handsome as humans went. In spite of his drinking, he had been kind to Cas. That led to thinking about the whole jacking off thing.

His cock stirred in his jeans, so he took it out. He watched it plump, getting harder as he watched. He licked his palm and grabbed it. He moaned at the feeling. 

He let go of it and pulled his jeans and boxers down so they wouldn’t get in his way, then pulled his shirt off so it wouldn’t get messy.

He licked his palm again, grabbing his cock. He jacked off. It felt just as good as it had the first time. He moaned, playing with different ways to pleasure himself. He grabbed his balls with his other hand, rolling them around, When he came, it was wonderful. 

He cleaned up and went to bed.


	7. Chapter 7

Cas woke up the next day, ate another sandwich and walked to Dean’s cabin. He paused then knocked. He heard Dean say ‘Yeah?” so he opened the door.

When Dean saw it was him, he smiled. “Hey, Cas? How you doing?”

Cas walked in, sitting at the table. “I’m okay, I guess. Can we talk?”

Dean grabbed his cup of coffee and sat down. “Sure, Cas, what’s on your mind?”

Cas took a deep breath. “Was your Sam, Sam  _ Winchester _ ?”

The look on Dean’s face broke his heart.

“Yeah, Cas, he was my little brother.”

Cas digested this. “He was… Lucifer’s vessel.”

Dean sighed. “Yeah, he was.”

Cas looked at him. “That means you were Michael’s vessel.”

Dean looked at Cas, then looked away. “Yeah, I was supposed to be.”

Cas had been thinking about this ever since Dean yelled for Sam in his nightmare.

“How were you able to say no, when your brother wasn’t?”

Dean looked like he was going to cry. “He just got worn down is all. He couldn’t take it anymore. It’s hard, you know? Always being pressured, always having to fight them off. He just got… tired.”

Cas nodded. He understood that. 

Dean sighed raggedly. “So, Cas, is my brother dead?”

“No, Dean, he’s not.”

Dean looked at . “So, where is he?”

“Lucifer was not killed. He was locked back in the cage.”

“The cage?”

Cas sighed. “There is a cage in hell. It was specifically designed to hold Lucifer. He was released, so that the apocalypse could happen. When the angels won, he was locked up again.”

Dean thought about what Cas was saying. It didn’t make sense…

“So, they let Lucifer out, just to fight Michael and burn half the fucking planet… just to lock him up again? That makes no sense! Who the fuck thought of that?”

“It was God’s plan, as far as I know.”

Dean jumped up. “Well then fuck God! Where the hell does he get off, killing thousands… wrecking the planet. And for what? His amusement?”

Cas knew exactly how he felt. “I don’t know, Dean. No one has seen God in a millennia. The angels don’t know where he is, or what he wants. But the archangels said it was God’s will.”

Dean sat down again. His hands were in fists. Cas felt a little afraid, but trusted that Dean wouldn’t hurt him.

“So, nobody really knows what God wants? That’s just great, Cas. Angels are just winged dicks.”

Cas chuckled. “I couldn’t agree more.”

Dean looked at him and smiled. “You were an angel.”

Cas nodded. “Not a very good one, I’m afraid.”

Dean laughed. “And that’s why I like you.”

Cas felt butterflies in his stomach. Dean liked him.   
They talked a little about Cas’ cabin, then Cas left. He walked around the camp, stopping occasionally to talk to people. One woman in particular seemed very happy to meet him, Her name was April.

She smiled at him. “You’re a little cutie!”

Cas wasn’t sure but he thought this was flirting. 

Kevin brought him a bag of pot and taught him how to roll a joint. They spent the afternoon high, drinking beer and eating whatever they could find from Cas’ meager stock of food.

Kevin was eating dry cereal out of the box. “Man, we gotta get you some decent munchies.”

Cas was giggling. “How do you suggest we do that?”

Kevin giggled too. “We need to make a munchy run. Into town.”

Cas thought that was a great idea. Now all they had to do was convince Dean to let them.

Dean looked at Cas. “Are you high?”

Cas giggled. “I am.”

Dean glared at Kevin. “What were you thinking, getting him high?”

Kevin grinned. “We were just trying to have a little fun. Lighten up, Dad.”

Dean growled, “Don’t call me that! I ain’t your damn Dad. And no, you can’t take a jeep to just satisfy your munchy cravings. Get the hell outta here.”

They turned to leave. Dean put a hand on Cas’ shoulder. “And Cas? Ease up on the pot.”

Kevin decided to go home. Cas was walking back to his cabin, feeling down. He ran into April.

“Oh sweetie, you look like you lost your last friend.”

Before Cas knew what hit him, they were naked in bed together. Cas kissed her, his dick hard and throbbing again.

April was on top of him, sliding down on his cock. It felt good. She was wet and silky inside, Cas thought he could get used to this. She rode him until they both came. The feeling of his orgasm, inside another person, was amazing, but he couldn’t help thinking about Dean. How it would feel with Dean as he visualized Dean over him.

April dressed and left. Cas lay in the bed, thinking about what had happened. It was good, there was no denying that. But he was very aware of wishing it was Dean. 

Dean was dumping all the bags of chips in a bag. He already had all the snack cakes and candy bars. Benny watched him him with a frown.

“Since when do you grab that shit, brotha?”

Dean just kept on getting the chips. “Eh, Cas started smoking weed, and keeps getting the munchies. These are for him.”

Benny walked to stand in front of him. “You’re pretty damn fond of that angel, Dean.”

Dean frowned. “He’s not an angel anymore. And I’m just getting snacks. What’s the big deal?   
Benny reached out to cup Dean’s cheek. “We haven’t gotten together since he got here, that’s the big deal. And from the way Risa is acting, she ain’t gettin’ any either.”

Dean pulled away. “I just haven’t been feeling it lately, okay? Cas has nothing to do with it.”

Benny huffed. “Just not feeling it? Since when? Come on,  _ cher, _ you got the hots for Cas.” 

“Get off it, Benny. I don’t have the hots for him. Let’s just get done and get back, okay?”

Benny snorted and started to get more food.

Cas went to the kitchen for a hot meal. There was a community kitchen furnished with one of the few generators in camp, so they had an electric stove along with a huge refrigerator. Cas was kind of sick of living on sandwiches.

He was sitting at one of the picnic benches, eating his stew, when Dean sat across from him. 

“Got you a little present, Cas. Come by my cabin later?”

Cas tilted his head, looking at Dean. “A present? For me?”

Dean smirked. “Nothing big, don’t get all excited.” He got up and walked away, leaving behind a very confused Cas. 


	8. Chapter 8

Cas stood outside Dean’s door, wondering what Dean had for him. There was only one way to find out. He knocked.

Dean opened the door with a smile. “Hey Cas, come on in.”

Cas smiled at him, walking to the center of the room. He sat on the floor.

“Want a beer?”

Cas nodded. “Sure, thank you.”

Dean grabbed two beers out of the ice chest, twisted off the caps and handed one to Cas.

He sat on the floor beside Cas. “So, how’s it going? Everybody been friendly?”

Cas nodded. “For the most part, I had sex with April.”

Dean choked on his beer. He coughed until tears were streaming down his face. Cas patted him on the back until he got control.

He looked at Cas. “You… you had sex? With April?” 

Cas was a little mystified by how shocked Dean was. “Yes. But it wasn’t all that fun.”

Dean took a swallow of his beer. “Why? What was wrong?”

Cas wanted to say, ‘ _ because it wasn’t you _ ’ but he didn’t. “I’m not sure. It was fine I guess.”

Dean stared at him. Cas licked his lips. Dean’s eyes darted down to Cas’ mouth, then back up. Cas stared back.

Finally, “You have something for me?” broke the spell.

Dean looked away quickly, “Uh yeah. Yeah, I do.” He got up and went to his chest. He opened it, coming back with several bags of chips and a few snack cakes. He dumped them on the floor in front of Cas, then sat down.

“Now, I don’t like you smoking weed very much, but I get the munchies part. But you can’t share any with Kevin. I’m still pissed at him for even getting you started smoking pot.”

Cas looked at the stuff at his feet. He felt like he might cry. He looked at Dean.

“Dean… this is… it’s just so nice! Thank you!”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Come on, Cas, it isn’t a big deal.”

Cas leaned over, hugging Dean. “It is to me, Dean.”

They stayed like that for probably longer than was necessary, then Dean pulled back. His face was red.

Cas was embarrassed. He’d made Dean uncomfortable. He grabbed the treats and stood up.

“I should go.”

Dean stood up. “Yeah, okay, buddy. I’m… just glad you liked them.”

Cas practically ran back to his cabin. He dropped the treats on the floor and sat down next to them. He thought about how nice it was to hug Dean. Sighing, he rolled a joint, smoked it then ate two bags of chips.

Dean began to take Cas along on supply runs. He loved spending time with Dean, but Benny was usually along too. Benny definitely didn’t like him. He didn’t know why, he’d never done anything to the guy, but Benny didn’t even try to disguise his complete disgust for Cas.

One run, Cas was looking through a hardware store for batteries, flashlights, pretty much anything useful. Suddenly he was pushed against a shelf. Benny frowning at him

“Listen here, asshole. If you ever hurt Dean in any way, I’ll kill ya.”

Cas was confused. Hurt Dean? “I’d never hurt Dean.”

Benny bared his teeth. “You stay away from him, you hear me?”

Cas nodded. He had no intention of staying away from Dean, but he needed to convince Benny of that. Benny growled and stepped back. He shoved a finger in Cas’ face, repeating to stay away from Dean, then walked away.

Cas let out the breath he’d been holding. What the hell was that all about? Shaking his head, he gathered up the batteries and other things he’d found.

After that, he kept even more of a distance from Benny.

He was sitting on the floor with Kevin. He told Kevin about what happened with Benny.

Kevin ate a chip. “Well, you know Benny and Dean used to be an item.”

Cas didn’t understand. “An  _ item _ ? What does that mean?”

Kevin laughed. “Holy fuck, dude. They used to do the horizontal mambo.”

Cas shook his head, still confused.

“Jesus, Cas! They were fucking, okay?”

Cas would have fallen down if he wasn’t already on the floor. Dean and Benny? They were having sex?

Kevin continued. “I haven’t noticed Benny coming out of Dean’s cabin since you got here. I guess Benny’s frustrated. It looks like you took his place.”

Cas shook his head. “No. Dean and I are not having sex.”

Kevin elbowed him in the arm. “Bet you’d like to, though.”

Cas just ate his ding dong and didn’t answer.

Cas sat and thought about what Kevin said long after Kevin had left. Did Dean want to have sex with him? What if he didn’t, and Kevin was just joking or trying to get him in trouble?

Kevin wouldn’t try to get him in trouble, he knew that. But maybe he was just mistaken. Mistaken about Dean and Benny.

Mistaken about not seeing Benny leave Dean’s cabin.

His head was swimming. He went to bed but couldn’t sleep. He jacked off but it didn’t help. 

He had to know.

He waited two days, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Finally he decided to talk to Dean. He knew it was most likely a mistake, but he couldn’t go on like this. He was losing his mind.

He walked to Dean’s cabin. He turned around and left. Then he walked back. He stood in front of the door, afraid to knock. Afraid not to.

He knocked. Dean opened the door.

“Hey, Cas! Come on in.”

Cas went in but just stood in the middle of the room, feeling very uncomfortable.

“So, what’s up? You need something?”

Cas took a deep breath. “I need to ask you something.”

“Yeah, okay. What?”

“Do you have sex with Benny?”

Dean got the look of a cornered animal caught in the beam of a flashlight.

“What? No! Who told you that?”

Cas sighed, sitting on the floor and looking up at him. “Don’t lie to me, please.”

Dean sank to the floor, sitting next to him. He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Well, yeah, okay. Benny and I did used to knock boots from time to time. But I haven’t been with Benny in a long time.”

Cas looked into Dean’s eyes. “Not since I got here.”

Dean stared into his eyes, not blinking, for what seemed like a very long time.

Then he grabbed Cas by the shirt and pulled him into a very hard kiss.


	9. Chapter 9

The kiss was hard, demanding. Dean’s tongue made it’s way into Cas’ mouth, exploring. 

Cas melted into it. It was so different than kissing April was. Dean had scruff that rubbed his cheek, plush lips that pressed solidly against his… Dean was in complete control of him. It was magical.

Then Dean broke away. He pushed Cas back on his butt and pulled his legs out straight. He moved down and took Cas’ boots and socks off. Cas just sat there, mesmerized.

Then he stood up, pulling Cas to his feet. Dean pulled Cas’ shirt off over his head, then went to work on his jeans. When he had them open, Dean yanked them down to Cas’ ankles along with his boxers, leaving Cas naked. 

He looked up and down Cas’ body with a grin.

“Even better than I imagined. Oh Cas, the things I’m going to do to you…”

Cas couldn’t speak. He wanted everything Dean was going to do, he wanted more. Dean leaned over and picked Cas up, throwing him over his shoulder and carried Cas to the bed. He dumped him on it. He stood over Cas and took his clothes off.

Cas still hadn’t regained the power of speech, so he laid there, watching every article of clothing come off Dean, revealing more and more skin.

When Dean was finally naked, Cas looked at his cock. It was long, thick, standing out from his body proudly. Cas sucked in a breath while Dean crawled over him.

Dean’s cock ran over Cas’ hard cock, causing Cas to moan, squeezing his eyes shut.

“No, Cas, open your eyes. Look at me.”

Cas opened his eyes to see Dean over him. 

Dean sat back on Cas’ thighs, running his hands over Cas’ body. “You’re so beautiful, Cas. I’ve wanted you for so damn long.”

Cas moaned again. “Dean, Dean... “

Dean smiled. “Yeah, Cas, I’m going to fuck you senseless. I want to hear you. Everyone in camp will hear us. ”

Cas nodded frantically. He wanted this so much.

Dean got off Cas’ thighs and spread Cas’ legs wide apart. He pushed them up, Cas lifted them as high as he could.

Dean leaned over, grabbing a bottle of lube from under the pillow. Cas watched him pour some in his hand. Dean looked at him with a smile. He ran his fingers through the lube.

“Ready, baby?”

Cas quietly said yes, not really knowing what to expect, but this was Dean. He wanted whatever Dean was going to do.

Dean pushed his middle finger into Cas. Cas gasped. It felt odd, not unpleasant but very weird. Dean moved his finger back and forth. 

After a minute, he added another finger. That really got Cas’ attention. 

“Don’t want to hurt you, baby, since it’s your first time. Just relax, I’m gonna take such good care of you.”

Cas took a deep breath and tried his best. It was really starting to feel good. Then Dean crooked his fingers, touching something inside of him that felt like he was being electrocuted from the inside. He yowled and arched his back.

Dean chuckled. “Think that feels good? You ain’t felt nothing yet.” 

Dean pulled his fingers out, using his other hand to lube up his cock. Cas watched, but it was like dreaming. He still couldn’t believe it was really happening.

Then Dean pressed his cock against Cas’ hole. It resisted, Dean pushed harder. The head of his cock went in. Cas gasped and clenched down.

“Relax, baby, take a deep breath.” 

Cas did. Dean pushed in more, then all the way. His balls were laying on Cas’ ass. Cas wrapped his legs around Dean.

Cas felt full, it burned. The burn slowly went away. Dean pulled back and pressed in again. It went from weird to amazing in a split second. Cas grabbed Dean’s arms.

“Oh god, Dean… oh fuck... “

Dean smiled down at him, beginning to fuck harder, faster. Cas was moaning out Dean’s name, Dean was grunting, groaning with every thrust.

Cas’ entire focus was on his hole, the feeling of being stretched open by Dean’s dick, the feeling of it running in and out. He never imagined how amazing it would feel, how right. 

To be honest, he never knew exactly how it worked when a man fucked a man, he had nothing to go on. But this was beyond anything he could have possibly imagined even if he had known how it worked. He was completely lost in the feeling. He looked at Dean, taking in the sheer intensity of his face looking back at Cas. 

His cock was throbbing with need, but he didn’t touch it. He couldn’t move for fear this was all just a dream and if he moved he’d wake up.

Dean began to slam into him. Cas began to get louder, almost yelling out Dean’s name. Dean was saying, “Yeah baby, oh yes… so good… take it all Cas... “

Dean grabbed Cas’ legs and pulled them up. He rocked back, looking at his cock going into Cas. “Just look at how good you take me… just sucking me right in... You like it? You like feeling me stretch you open for my cock?”

Cas stuttered out, “Yes.., yes Dean. I… I love it…”

Dean chuckled. “Of course you do. You were made to take cock, Cas. You were made for my cock.”

Cas nodded desperately. He began to feel his balls tightening, the heat spreading… he came with a scream. 

Dean watched every spurt of cum. He plowed in and out of Cas, chasing his own orgasm.

When Dean came, Cas could feel every rush of cum filling him. It was almost as good as his own orgasm. 

Dean collapsed over him, still hard inside. He thrust a little, letting his cock get soft inside Cas. When it finally slipped out, he rolled off Cas and laid next to him, catching his breath.

Cas turned on his side, looking at him. He was flushed, sweaty, beautiful.

“Dean, that was…”

Dean grinned at him. “Yeah, it was.”

Cas laughed. He felt lighter than he ever had before. 

Dean sat up on the edge of the bed. He stood up, pulling on his boxers. He walked to his chest, coming back with some chips and candy bars. He dropped them on the bed next to Cas.

Cas looked at them, then back to Dean. “What’s this for?”

Dean looked away, “I figured you’d want them, you know, for the next time you got high.”

Cas sat up on the edge of the bed. “Dean… I thought…”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Look Cas, this ain’t a relationship. It’s just fucking. Just fun.” He turned and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door.

Cas felt like he’d been stabbed in the chest. He dressed, grabbed the snacks and walked home.

He stayed high for the next three days, living on snacks, never leaving his cabin. 


	10. Chapter 10

There was a knock on the door. Cas figured it was Kevin again. “Go away! I told you…”

He heard Dean say, “It’s me, Cas. Let me in.”

Cas stood up a little unsteadily with a sigh. He walked to the door, opening it just a crack.

“What do you want?”

Dean pushed his way inside. “I want to talk to you.”

Cas turned towards him. “Well, I don’t want to talk to you.”

Dean winced. “Just hear me out, please?”

Cas huffed, walking to his pile of candy wrappers and roaches. He sat down, brushing some of the litter aside.

Dean sat down across from him.   
“I was wrong. What I told you. I was just scared, Cas. I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’m not relationship material. But…” He took a deep breath. “I can’t stop thinking about you. What happened, I want it again. I need you, Cas. Please, forgive me.”

Cas listened to every word. Dean looked terrible, as if he hadn’t slept. Cas figured he looked worse. He thought about what Dean said. 

“Dean… I want to be in a relationship with you, not just casual fucking. I won’t settle for anything less.”

“I want that too, Cas. I really do.”

Cas thought more. He wanted to believe Dean with every fiber of his being.

“You aren’t just telling me what you think I want to hear are you?”

Dean looked shocked. “Jesus, no, Cas! I absolutely want to try. I’m broken in ways I don’t even get, but if you’ll have me, I want that.”

Cas had to laugh. “You’re broken? I’m the broken one! I’m a fallen angel for fuck’s sake! I was a terrible angel and I’m even worse at being human. Face it, Dean, I’m a piss-poor excuse for a human.”

Dean looked at the pile of candy wrappers, the roaches overflowing the ashtray. He laughed.

“Well, then let’s be broken together.”

Cas smiled at him. “Okay, Dean, on one condition.”

Dean looked very serious. “What condition?”

“You have to move in here with me.”

Dean looked around. “You expect me to live in this hippie den?”

“Take it or leave it, Dean. I’m not leaving my stuff. I  _ like _ my stuff.”

Dean grinned. “Wow, who knew you could be so bossy. Okay, Cas, I’ll move in here.”

Cas threw himself on Dean, kissing him. Dean kissed back.

As they laid in bed, tangled and sated an hour later, Cas sighed.

“What’s the sigh for?”

Cas turned to look at him. “I’m just happier than I ever thought possible. Falling for you was the best decision I ever made.”

Dean kissed him. “And falling for you was mine.”

  
  



End file.
